why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
