if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
