I swear she didn't look like that last week.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
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