my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize