Will you blow on my dice?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Sext me about skeletons
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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