life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
