Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
