we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
