i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
