I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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