Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
