you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
