paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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