We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Randomize
