Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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