but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
