First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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