YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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