im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
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We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
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My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...