Texts From Last Night

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  (347): View more from New York

  I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot

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  (347): I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot http://tfl.nu/oi7m
  Replies (4) Good night (3376) Bad night (482)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just spent $27 on things to pee on.

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  (484): I just spent $27 on things to pee on. http://tfl.nu/pmzm
  Replies (30) Good night (1659) Bad night (3967)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"

  (1-936): View more from Texas

  I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...

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  (936): you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while" (1-936): I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day... http://tfl.nu/1f15
  Replies (19) Good night (10086) Bad night (889)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.

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  (817): No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever. http://tfl.nu/v4fg
  Replies (13) Good night (5597) Bad night (1136)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.

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  (540): It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic. http://tfl.nu/37md
  Replies (5) Good night (962) Bad night (2716)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this

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  (303): I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this http://tfl.nu/m1v9
  Replies (11) Good night (3089) Bad night (866)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.

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  (913): Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun. http://tfl.nu/h48x
  Replies (21) Good night (3874) Bad night (1140)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.

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  (778): I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT. http://tfl.nu/jn8b
  Replies (17) Good night (1252) Bad night (4199)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...

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  (215): I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands... http://tfl.nu/sf3a
  Replies (4) Good night (1160) Bad night (374)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES

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  (978): PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES http://tfl.nu/lra7
  Replies (10) Good night (1577) Bad night (558)
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  (562): View more from California

  So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch

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  (562): So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch http://tfl.nu/gm5w
  Replies (8) Good night (755) Bad night (270)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives 

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  (614): His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives  http://tfl.nu/o3zv
  Replies (5) Good night (247) Bad night (843)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW

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  (239): THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW http://tfl.nu/gnot
  Replies (0) Good night (432) Bad night (203)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.

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  (+44): Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread. http://tfl.nu/ub9a
  Replies (4) Good night (639) Bad night (240)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.

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  (518): I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting. http://tfl.nu/hrww
  Replies (2) Good night (801) Bad night (201)

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