I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0