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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.

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  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.

  (1-201): View more from New Jersey

  You're a rent hooker.

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.

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• (339): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm cool with that

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• (915): View more from Texas

  I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy

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