I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
All of them.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?