The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
