what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."