yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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