you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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