I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
