i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
