just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
