Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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