Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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