i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize