im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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