but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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