Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
