I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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