I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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