I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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