it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
