literally had 100 drinks last night.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
