if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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