Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize