Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
