member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
