I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
