Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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