I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
whose parrot is this?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
