i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
