why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
