it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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