its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
