Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
