if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
