Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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