so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
