The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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