if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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