were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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