Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Randomize
