The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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