So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
