Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
