I just threw up on my dentist
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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