We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
