Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.

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(513): I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace. http://tfl.nu/1kl9

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(513): View more from Ohio

he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.

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(513): he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk. http://tfl.nu/epms

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(330): View more from Ohio

I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.

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(330): I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage. http://tfl.nu/ny20

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(503): View more from Oregon

Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.

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(503): Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack. http://tfl.nu/t9kk

Replies (3) Good night (2768) Bad night (502)
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(253): View more from Washington

I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips

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(253): I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips http://tfl.nu/j5et

Replies (4) Good night (1488) Bad night (552)
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(914): View more from New York

My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?

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(914): My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis? http://tfl.nu/29es

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(818): View more from California

I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?

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(818): I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal? http://tfl.nu/2gme

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(609): View more from New Jersey

We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.

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(609): We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend. http://tfl.nu/121k

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(757): View more from Virginia

I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.

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(757): I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration. http://tfl.nu/xlpu

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(916): View more from California

The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.

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(916): The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino. http://tfl.nu/qmu0

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(501): View more from Arkansas

I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.

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(501): I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this. http://tfl.nu/a4t5

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(917): View more from New York City

Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.

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(917): Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am. http://tfl.nu/94x6

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(980): View more from North Carolina

Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo

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(980): Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo http://tfl.nu/82bd

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(830): View more from Texas

Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.

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(830): Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old. http://tfl.nu/rc4y

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(561): View more from Florida

I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle

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(561): I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle http://tfl.nu/mlt6

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