dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
