i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I look better un-naked...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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