im holly from the hills drunk
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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