Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
