I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
