last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
