You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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