Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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