The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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