Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
