Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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