On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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