And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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