she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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