During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
