my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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