probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
