bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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