do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
