i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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