Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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