I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
