Moan for me like Helen Keller
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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