I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I think I am morally bankrupt
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
