jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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