This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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