i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
