I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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